Feature Article - April 2011
by Do-While Jones

Dumb Story

In honor of National Theory of Evolution Day (April 1) we present this mutation of Taylor Swiftís Love Story.

Download Death Valley Daveís recording of this song (for free, without restrictions) at http://scienceagainstevolution.org/music/DumbStory.mp3.

There is something dumb that I saw on YouTube.
Chemicals combine, flashing lightening
Starts a process there.
Methane/ammonia is in the air.

See the life, see the cell, the first plants.
See how life evolved over time. This video
Said I had to know,

That you were just an ape who had lost his hair
And learned to walk upright down in Africa.
And I was laughing myself silly watching the video.

Ďcause it said,
ďLife just evolved from random chance acting alone.
Natural selection is the process that got it done.
Millions of years turned some frogs into princes.Ē
Itís a Dumb Story, it doesnít make sense.

Fish snuck out of the water to see if they could
Walk on land and make their lungs grow,
So they tried
To breathe the air for a little while.

Birds learned to fly when they fell from trees,
And ape brains got bigger because they ate meat.
And I was laughing myself silly watching the video.

Ďcause it said,
ďLife just evolved from random chance acting alone.
Natural selection is the process that got it done.
Millions of years turned some frogs into princes.Ē
Itís a Dumb Story, it doesnít make sense.

Teacher says I must believe or else Iíll fail.
Thereís no evidence but still he claims itís real.
I donít know how to get out of this mess.
Itís a Dumb Story, it doesnít make sense.

Oh, no. Oh no.

I got tired of listening
To the nonsense they were spreading around.
My faith in school was fading.
So I searched the Internet and I found

That it said,
Thereís no reason for me to feel so alone.
Theyíve searched for the proof but it has never come.
The theory is wrong no matter what some think.
Search the ground but you wonít find a missing link.

So I say,
"Donít waste your time saying that we evolved.
It didnít happen, thatís all I need to know.
Amphibians canít evolve into princes.
Itís a Dumb Story, it doesnít make sense."

It was something dumb that I saw on YouTube.

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Footnotes:

1 Lead guitar, rhythm guitar, bass guitar, and synth guitar tracks played by R. David Pogge, with Alesis SR 18 drum machine. Lyrics by R. David Pogge. Recorded at Sidewinder City Studio, Ridgecrest, California, 2011.